What separates limerence from a crush or love interest is the intensity, an emotional roller coaster that swings from euphoria to despair. Giulia Poerio, a psychologist and wandering mind researcher at the University of Sussex in England, said: «Any sign of rejection can take someone to the lowest point, and any sign of interest can take someone to the highest point.» high. It’s a never-ending mind game like, «She loves me, she doesn’t love me.» »
Lirents, deeply afraid of rejection, leave their self-esteem in the hands of a LO who may not even know they exist. The OL is most often a friend, a colleague or a stranger encountered in passing. It could also be someone with whom you had a brief romantic relationship that doesn’t seem resolved, Dr. Poerio says, especially if the LO keeps leaving breadcrumbs.
Sue Crump, a 67-year-old volunteer working at a mental health charity shop in Sheffield, England, said that for 18 months she obsessively watched YouTube videos featuring her LO, a much younger married singer whom she had briefly met on several occasions. . “I was fantasizing about a relationship with him and reading things into the texts and online messages he sent in response to mine.” She turned to a limerence support group on Facebook shortly after the isolation of the pandemic lockdown made her desire worse. “It made me realize I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t going crazy,” Ms. Crump said.
Limerence thrives on rereading memories and repeating future interactions. “There’s a lot of mental time travel,” said Dr. Poerio, who asked survey respondents to write descriptions of these fantasies. “It’s often not romantic or sexual in nature. It’s all about wanting to feel loved and cared for.
Chris Gregory, 53, a certified yoga instructor in Denver, remembers his first limerence experience in high school. “I was developing incredibly obsessive crushes on women and not pursuing them. Then I was crushed by the fact that they weren’t reacting the way the scene had played out in my own head and heart. I felt unworthy,» he said. Gregory continued to feel limerence throughout his adult life, he said, but he mistook it for love.